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My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.
I said I was good at making decisions. I didn`t say the decisions I made were good.
Playing dead on the couch all day in case a bear attacks. That`s not lazy, that`s proactive.
Love is a two way street but you have to be careful because women can’t drive.
Worrying: a waste of imagination.
My greatest fear is that PMS is fake and this is my real personality.
Never judge a girl`s boob size by their jacket.
I don’t understand shark movies I mean just get out of the water.
My best stories always end with the words ... "and then I got the hell out of there."
Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only. Come on let`s get this thing done.
Today I recently discovered how to make my p@nis 12"...I just fold that b!tch in half.
Let`s be honest... Gay Divorce Court would be the best thing to happen to daytime TV in the history of ever.
dude i wasent tht drunk you were huging a peice of chese saying ill never let u go sponge bob
That sound the Ketch-up make when you squeeze out the last drop, NEVER fails in making people laugh
I always thought I looked like romeo, until I washed the picture off my mirror...