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So much of my day is just keeping myself distracted until it`s time to eat again.
BEER! The official sponsor of hot days!
Seems like my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair.
You should probably first master the art of thinking “inside” the box
I am sick of people thinking deodorant is optional.
I like having an ex ...it gives me something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.
One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
My short-term memory is my ONLY problem..... Well, that, and my short-term memory
Dating these days must be so hard, because how do you know somebody loves you if they don’t make you a mix tape?
I`d be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
I`m not crazy, but I am a carrier.
i forgot how to put a status ... can anyone help me ?
I can`t believe that it`s the year 2012, and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
If your wife says "what would you do without me?" "Live happily ever after" is NOT the correct answer.