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I bet Miley Cyrus is eating Twerky right now.
I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
I wake up every morning with the joy & excitement of wanting to go directly back to sleep.
There`s no easy way to steal a watermelon.
Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you`ve been wearing the same outfit all week is you.
It`s pretty amazing how many times my daughter likes to say "it`s not fair!" considering she has never had to pay taxes
How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?
When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
FACT: How kids feel about snow days is the exact opposite of how parents feel about snow days.
If any of you ladies want pancakes for breakfast, just come over....you can make them here, because I want some too
Whenever I watch the TV show Friends, I imagine I`m the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him.
No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a break and enter.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you`re donating blood...
There`s nothing a floored gas pedal and cranked music can`t cure.