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I need me a pretty girl with an ugly girl personality
Alcohol doesn´t solve any problems ... but then again, neither does milk.
I saw a poor old lady fall over today, at least I presume she was poor, she only had $ 1,20 in her purse
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
I really don`t have time for people that don`t find me hilarious.
So you constantly feel sorry for yourself and feel the need to tell everyone all about it. I can’t imagine why he left you.
We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.
Instead of presidential debates, we should just have a dance-off.
Why can`t Miss Piggy count to 100? Cuz` when she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her throat!
Boobs are like the Sun. You can stare at them directly just for a few seconds, but if you put on sunglasses, you can stare as much as you want!
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
I didn’t give you the finger...you earned it.
My GF`s anti aging cream went bad ... How does anti aging cream have an expiration date?!
Because it`s the season to give thanks, I would just like to say....you`re welcome.
If our phones were really smart, they would tell us to get off of Facebook and do something meaningful or constructive with our lives.