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Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie diet. For those of you not good with math... that’s a 12-pack of 125 calorie beers. You`re welcome!!! ;)
...you ever ponder why that page was intentionally left blank?
I found $40 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy dart guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, dart guns and candy".
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
If looks could kill, mirrors would be the leading cause of death among ugly people
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there`s a millionaire walking around that invented the pool noodle.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast
I was going to get married, but my wife refuses to sign the divorce papers
The only thing I drink from a shot glass nowdays is Maalox.
Real friends show me their boobs
Exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors. - Jehovah`s Fitness.
Would you like to save money on your car insurance? Walk ... Just sayin
I bought a book on eBay called, "How to scam on eBay". That was 2 months ago, and it`s not arrived yet
DAAAAY-OH! DAAaay-oh! Monday come and me wanna go home.
The iPad: Because the iPhone was too small for other people to notice you.