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Ran into the girl who broke my heart. Totally worth the damage to my car.
I think for Halloween I am going to go as Karma. Some of you should be worried.
Me: Mom…Dad. I’ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: Ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside.
Just got a new phone. Pretty pissed all my contacts were not lost.
I`d better check my phone for texts from friends. *checks phone* Well, I`d better get some friends...
If it doesn`t include antidepressants, they shouldn`t call it a Happy Meal.
If I had any self control I`d probably eat that too.
I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
I will give you unconditional love as soon as you meet my list of demands.
Saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as “grabbing for swirling dollars inside a plexiglas Cash Cube.”
My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there`s lunch brought in for everyone
The only idea worse than New Coke was brown toilet paper...
I went by the Gym today. Its the third time this week............. One of these day`s I might actually go in.
I`m pretty sober, but I`m prettier drunk.
I just googled, "understanding women," the computer crashed.