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Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.
I hope Karma smacks some people before I do.
I think every Taco Bell value meal should be called a "Number 2".
I`m glad I`m me, I don`t think anybody else could take it.
All of my selfies are just still shots from surveillance footage.
You heard me right. I said:"Lets agree to disagree." It`s much more polite than:"Whatever, bitch."
"I`ve never seen an angry stoner, see angry drunks all the time!" Clearly you`ve never tried to take a stoner`s nachos away.
Just got legitimately excited when I remembered I can pay a person to drive a pizza to my house
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
I don`t know what I`d do without coffee...Probably twenty five to life in the state penitentiary.
Alcohol doesn`t get people drunk, people get people drunk. Drunk people get other drunk people extra drunk.
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
A movie ticket for a baby should cost at least $50.