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Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!
I wish I would of asked if she believed in sex after marriage
I thought the voices in my head actually liked me until I found out they learned sign language just so they could talk sh*t about me.
He died doing what he loved: telling me I`m overreacting.
You’re not an easy person to like….I like that about you.
People saying "Laugh my a$$ off" and still having an a$$ next time I see them is the reason I have trust issues.
I’m not brave. I’m just past the age where running is an option.
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
My house is not messy. Those are just obstacles I`ve put in place for burglars.
Girls are a lot like oceans, beautiful and deep, but once a month, it`s shark week.
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
This could be the best day ever… but it isn’t. Again.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting
The best trick the devil ever pulled was calling herself "him".