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Karaoke bars combine two of the world’s great evils: People who shouldn’t drink and people who shouldn’t sing.
Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.
The thing about smart mother f*ckers is... They sound like crazy mother f*ckers to dumb mother f*ckers!
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
The only thing I hate about beer is that there`s absolutely nothing I hate about beer... :)
They`ve got this brand new machine at the gym. I only used it for about an hour because I started to feel sick, but it`s awesome - it`s got Mars Bars, KitKat Chunkys, Cheetos, crisps.... everything!
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
Hey people who say I am boring and not interesting; FYI the police just called saying they want to talk to me because I am "a person of interest"
Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
Something tells me that girl with the word "Princess" tattooed on her neck isn`t really Royalty.
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!
Stop leaving me messages. If I ever wanted to talk to you again, I wouldn’t have borrowed all that money.