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I bet anyone who`s had to fight a bear has snuck at least one hug in
Whenever I`m on the phone with someone I like to scream "WAIT DON`T HANG UP" right as they`re hanging up & then not answer when they call back.
The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?” ... Well, swimming, I suppose.
I only like clicky pens when I am the clicker.
The worst thing about rich people is I`m not one of them.
I once dated a girl with a parrot. The thing was crazy and never shut up! The parrot was cool though.
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete loser.
Some people should calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
Saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as “grabbing for swirling dollars inside a plexiglas Cash Cube.”
The only thing I drink from a shot glass nowdays is Maalox.
Confucius would have been great at Status Updates......
You seem to be very educated on the things you make up.
Better late than pregnant.
Where is the button to restart summer?
Half of my life has been spent hoping people don’t see me.