Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t really want to make bad choices; but I`m always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
If you say "I slept like a baby" in front of me, I`ll ALWAYS assume you woke up every 2 hours, pissed yourself and cried for your mommy.
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
If you can´t say anything nice ... we´re probably related.
You`ve never been truly drunk until you`ve had to use a barstool as a walker to get home.
Everybody values honesty, until they have an ugly baby.
Don`t talk to me until I`ve had my coffee, my breakfast, lunch, juice, dinner, and at least two glasses of wine.
my friends status was "standing on the edge of a cliff" ... so I poked him
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you`ll get what you want.
Tip for Sunday Church: Don`t forget to keep your phones on silent, especially if your ringtone is `I like big butts and I do not lie!`
My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there`s lunch brought in for everyone
This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China.
Things could be worse ... sex could be fattening
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?