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"It`s not a pyramid scheme" is a phrase almost exclusively used by people involved in pyramid schemes
I purposely bought the same grill my neighbor has, so every time it needs to be cleaned, I just switch them at night.
Just used a full size twix bar to stir my coffee.
Have you noticed that it`s only the married squirrels that hurl themselves in front of your car......
I`m convinced that every time a sock goes missing from the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.
WEB MD should have a simple answer like “Calm down-you probably just ate too many cookies!”
Never call me creepy. You`re the only one that doesn`t even know we`re engaged.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
The day I understand females will be the day i`ll be officially known as Jesus
My therapist says I am too preoccupied by vengeance.... We`ll see about that.
I`d imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.
My son wants to be a shrink when he grows up... Clearly I`ve failed to teach him our family`s place in the psychiatric process...
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.
Is there any way to really know how many camouflage shirts are in your house?