Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
off to bed...evil schemes don`t dream themselves up.
Nothing says “I hate you” like giving someone’s child a drum set.
Why isn’t “cheating” a relationship status on Facebook?
You can really scare someone when you yell "Peek-a-boo!". Especially when they`re trying on clothes in the fitting room.
Nothing makes you feel more insignificant than still having 85% battery at noon.
Meant to tell my kid "Good night, I love you," but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school tomorrow because this is bullsh!t"
My pants are 75% off.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
I want the time management skills of people who effortlessly carve out entire hours to be offended by every single thing on the internet.
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I`m gonna be pretty good at it.
Sometimes I use big words that I don’t fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid for doing this?”
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels? - Bfanch
I`m just amazed after all these years that we STILL haven`t seen Mario`s buttcrack.