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My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
I`ll call it a smartphone the day I yell "Where`s my phone?" and it yells "Down here! In the couch cushions!"
WOW! This gym thing is a lot harder than it looked on Instagram.
I bet acting like azzholes on the Internet all day wasn`t where most of us visioned our lives to be right now.
The worst thing about rich people is I`m not one of them.
I can eat anything in the house unless it was specifically bought for my wife but the only way to know it`s for her is to eat it. Apparently
When you`re down about your body image just type "fat people" into Google images, always makes me feel better!:)
I`ve officially met everyone`s mother yesterday via Facebook so I`m pretty sure that takes me out of the friend zone here ladies
Just seen this girl walk into a lamp post! I could have stopped her but that wouldn`t have been funny would it
The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it`s not in my way.
The problem with coffee is trying to make it when you haven`t had any yet.
The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians.
I`m smiling, that alone should scare you.