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If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?
I`ll act my age when I`m 69..
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
Imagine Ferris Bueller trying so hard not to Instagram his whole day off.
When a cashier asks if you have a loyalty card just sigh and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
The worst about the weekend?? The ending part.
The zoo basically has two modes. 1. Lazy sleepy animals. 2. Hard core porn
"With a stroke of a pen your name can live on forever in a quote!... Unknown,
If you could have one super power would you pick flying, invisibility, or falling asleep without questioning every decision you`ve ever made
Despite what people may tell you, its the fat that makes you look fat... NOT the dress!! lol
"We attack at dawn!" - Hangovers
Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids. Now I`m older, I like mine in the bottle
These Jehovah`s Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant.