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I feel like I could give a great NBA locker room speech. "Guys, we`re all millionaires, none of this matters."
I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
This Crazy Weather Makes Me Want To Masturbate Furiously!!!
Yadot rorrim eht fo edis gnorw eht no pu ekow I. (I woke up on the wrong side of the mirror today.)
Somebody is out there, somewhere, thinking of the impact you`ve made in their life. It`s not me. I think your an idiot.
Working from home and HR already cited me for sexual misconduct.
My car rides usually consist of playing my music on random, then pressing “next” about 400 times.
You’ve never truly lived until someone has posted a sign because of something you’ve done.
NASA has confirmed that December 21, late afternoon, the sky will be very dark. It is an interesting phenomenon called "night".
*Hears a joke about a chocolate bar* *Snickers*
A shake for breakfast. A shake for lunch. A sensible dinner. SEVENTY FIVE COOKIES AT 12:34AM
Isn`t it weird that a vacuum cleaner isn`t something that is used to clean vacuums?
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"
I`m honest, so when I say I took a "cat nap" that means that I slept for 18 hours and then pissed on your favorite shirt after I woke up.
When 12 year old girls call each other honey and sweet heart...