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Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor`s coupons?
So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don`t taste any different.
Just told the guy at the second drive-thru window that the guy at the first drive-thru window wants to fight him.
Make a random stranger`s day by walking up to them and saying "This isn`t real. You have to wake up"
Those teardrop tattoos mean you cried during the notebook, right?
If you can´t read this, you´re illiterate.
At the Touch of Love..Everyone Becomes a Poet !
But..At the Touch of Breakup Everyone Becomes a Philosopher... ^_^
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
You know you are getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
A panda never pays his bills, because he eats shoots and leaves!!!
I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.
Q: What is the best thing God ever created? A: The vagina. Q: What was the worst thing God ever did? A: Put women in charge of them.
I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would`ve been a lot more interesting.
I’m dedicating this status update to all the status-less people out there. Stay strong.
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.