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I don`t know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...
I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you`re getting screwed. - Car insurance commercials
A sofa is a vacation for your a$$...
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
Some people are like water balloons, they’re more fun when you throw them out the window.
You know your old when your back goes out more than you do.
Shout out to old people for graduating high school without Google.
Being normal? Ugh. I can`t imagine how awful that must be.
That sounds fried. I`ll take it.
I just did a bunch of crunches and curls. There were Nestle Crunches and cheese curls, but still. I`m exhausted.
Walmart: Because where else in the world can you pay $50 to have your oil changed by someone with a GED, find a sized 46H bra, or run the risk of being filmed live on location with the men and women of law enforcement on your way out the door.
I successfully cleared a path from the front door to the TV. Now I can watch Hoarders.
I checked my horoscope today and all I can say is ...WOW!! I`m a Taurus and I looked it up and sure enough,it says I was born between 4/21-5/21!! Well played horoscope, well played.
Violence is never the answer. Unless the question is `What is never the answer?`
Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is "limo window partition" between the front and back seat not an option yet?