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Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely Facebooking than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space.
There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she`s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
is "insert clever remark here."
?"I hate when people come to MY house, knock on MY door, and then give me the "why aren`t you wearing pants" look."
I would gladly believe in a religion that gives me free pizza and says people who squeeze the toothpaste tube from the center go to hell.
The trick to successfully backing out of a parking space is to not care what happens to you or anyone else.
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
My wife asked about my wildest sex fantasy, but she got pissed when I told her. I probably shouldn’t have started w/ “After your funeral...”
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
For just 3 cents a day, all of my followers can help me quit my job...
Describe yourself in 3 words". "Not good at following instructions"
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!
Elevator music bothers me on so many levels