Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
first show me the benefits and then I`ll decide if we can be friends.
I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they`re in the middle of a race.
Don`t ``Wine and dine`` me ... ``Champagne`` me ... step it up a notch
Yesterday was international ninja day and I didn`t even know. Well played ninja day, well played.
I put a dollar in one of those change machines once. Nothing changed.
If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes. Not the best idea a man ever had ;)
"I wish people would start doing ice bucket challenges again" - said no one ever!
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
I don`t really want to hear about the marathon, unless of course, they add an element of suspense ... Like a Bear at mile 3
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
Should hallways in mental institutes be called psycho-paths?
A wasp just landed on my balls. Hardest decision of my life.
Nothing makes me more nervous than getting FB msg saying, “You’ve been tagged in a photo” after a crazy weekend.
Sorry I mispronounced your baby`s name you made up.
The name CONstitution sounds so negative. Since `pro` is the opposite of `con` we should call it prosti..... oh wait.