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Jimmy is short for James? This is where I think English is stupid. They have the same number of letters. Do they even know what short means?
I think I need to return my GPS...no matter what it can`t help me find easy street
Never sit down in front of the computer while having breakfast because when you get up it’ll be dinner time.
Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way to get the neighbors to pay for that privacy fence.
I`m one more weekend on the couch away from being a throw pillow.
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
I have a stalker. Everywhere I go, she`s always there, 10 paces ahead of me...
Nothing is more heartbreaking than unappreciated sarcasm!
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
that awkward moment when a bug or fly lands on your computer screen in your first reaction is to scare it away with the cursor.
Is it wrong to ask someone with an eye patch "Was it all fun and games up to that point?"
Just when you want to be a good person again , someone new to stalk shows up
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to just ignore you.
all joking aside, think how many babies might be created tonight on valentines day
Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it