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I´m not cheap, but I am on special this week
I wish I had a friend like me
My teen thought it`d be funny to post as me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!
"Stay out of the heat & stay hydrated." Thank you news-anchor. It`s my first summer.
Lets not get carried away it`s not like McDonalds shutdown
Pac-Man taught me that you can eat ghosts if you take enough pills.
You call them “cuss words.” I choose to call them “sentence enhancers.”
The trouble with children is that they´re not returnable.
When I said I wanted to take it slow, I meant your life.
My job description does not include farting on everyone else`s office chairs but I still do it because INITIATIVE.
Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
If you want to pick up girls ....Keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...