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If I could be anyone else in the whole world, I would still be me so that I wouldn`t have to buy new clothes.
HardCoreStrategy 22 hours ago 6 3? Guys are? in a cafe. The first guy says "I?? have the smallest arm in the? world." The second guy says I have the?? smallest head in? the world." The third guy says I have the smallest d^ck in the world. They all? go to? the Guinness Book of World records. The? first? guy comes back and says I really? have the smallest arm in the world. The seconds guy? returns and? says? I have the smallest head in the world. The third guy comes back? and angrily?? says WHO? T
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
I`d watch NASCAR if Hot Wheels designed the tracks.
To ensure you never cut yourself while chopping vegetables, get a friend to hold the vegetable.
I try to live by two rules: 1. Don’t make fun of stupid people (they cant help it) 2. Don’t be stupid (people will make fun of you)
I don`t know if I`ve got some free time, or if I just forgot what the hell I`m supposed to be doing...
A man typed in search box on Google : “What do women want?”. Google Replied : “We are also searching…”
Last night I was drunk and asked a cat if it could talk. It said, “Me? How?”
Spoiler alert: Your `97 Nissan Sentra doesn`t need one.
If anyone ever steals my identity, I hope they show it a good time. Take it skydiving. We`ve always wanted to go skydiving.
Offering a hobo $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
ATM`s need to have breathalyzers.
is sick and tired and tired of being sick and sick of being tired!
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty