Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why is it so hard to find a woman who loves me for me and not the person I lied and manipulated her into thinking I am?
People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
I poured some shampoo over my speakers today and they blew up... So much for EXTRA VOLUME.
These kids next door to me need to quit yelling. I`m about to wake up their mom and send her back over there.
Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
My dad says that if I don`t stop typing so loudly, he`s gonna slam my face into the fidbdiUHy6hivIifHfGK
Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.
My daily routine: Wake up, be awesome, go back to sleep.
My wife told me that her favorite position is when I lay very very still wearing a toe tag and she starts dating again
Neighbors just kicked me out of their shower and called the cops. Some of these pokemon go instructions are confusing. A lot of grey area...
People who eat grapes are impatient alcoholics
Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasn´t been up a stripper´s butt"
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
I believe that every person has a story to tell...which is why I stay at home.