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I put the o in illiterate!
To the people that post 15 pics of your kid everyday,your kid looks EXACTLY the same as they did ystrdy,and the day before,and the day before that
Partying on my level requires years of training.
Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
For those of you wondering what it`s like to be married, I`m on day 3 of an argument I didn`t know I was having.
I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I`m being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I`m talking about
Calm down ... Take a deep breath and hold it for about 30 minutes.
Social networking sites is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves
There just isn`t enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.
Some mornings it`s best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck.
Apparently, saying “Wow, you’ve grown since I last saw you” isn’t deemed socially acceptable when said to adults.
People in Detroit call Grand Theft Auto V "Tuesday"
Divorce is what happens when two people win an argument.
I bet the YMCA dance is alot harder to do in Chinese.