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People who go jogging, you realise we have cars now, right?
I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I`m not actually pregnant.
I may love you...but everyone else thinks you suck! I was kidding... I think you suck too.
What doesn`t kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you.
If one of your life goals is to fight with someone about how to load a dishwasher, may I suggest marriage.
Whenever our neighbor`s dog is barking, I know there`s either someone at their door or literally anything else in the universe has happened.
No pants are the best pants.
I was having breakfast at a friend`s house and she said "How do you take your coffee?" I said "Very seriously."
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.
Guys would stay home longer if boobs came in a 30 pack.
A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person.
Hooray ! My face book film has been nominated for an Academy Award
I didn`t break the rules. They were broken when I got here.
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.