Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
For Valentine`s Day my wife wanted to.... well, you know. It started with her handcuffing me to the bed. And for three solid hours she watched whatever she wanted on television
I’m a really down to earth guy because, you know, gravity.
I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today.......i felt like that bitch was seeing someone else.
´s status message is better than yours
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible.
Yes I admit I am a freak. Now, grab some whip cream, some feathers, handcuffs, blindfold, a whip and follow me into the kitchen.
Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag? Me: No, let`s just keep it in the carton, ok?
I believe in the silver rule of life: Do unto others then run!
i wasnt that drunk * "bro, you destroyed my mothers garden while screaming F*CK FARMVILLE!"*
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don’t make the rules.
"We have HBO" - apparently still a bragging point in the motel industry.
"That`s too much bacon." -Nobody ever
If you think your girlfriend has a great sense if humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.
I wish karma would send me email notifications.