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Stop bitchin about the frigid winter snow. There are kids in Africa who don`t even HAVE weather!
Taco Bell is donating burritos to feed firefighters in Colorado. Talk about putting gas on the fire,
You call the shots. I`ll drink them.
I bet sex is great when I`m not the only one in the room.
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
Laugh if you will but this night-light has an undefeated record at repelling Boogeymen.
I don`t know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.
PRO TIP: Date someone who doesn`t drink vodka so she won`t drink all of yours.
After a certain point, the `F` on the thermometer no longer stands for Fahrenheit.
I feel like I am losing my mind !!! But as long as I can keep the bit that tells me when to pee, I should be OK !!
If you have to guess what a commercial is selling, it`s always perfume.
Every conversation should come with a snooze button. That way if you`re being too boring, I can push a button and keep you from talking for the next 10 minutes.
Pay phones should be replaced with chargers for cell phones.
The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?