Daily Silly Status

I wish "friends with benefits" meant your friends paid all of your bills.

There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are suppose to be doing something else.

It must be hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest. I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.

Life is not a garden so quit being a hoe

My definition of" Armed and Dangerous" is: a pissed off wife with a bottle of wine, and the credit cards.

You know you`re getting old when speed limits start to seem reasonable to you.

Bathtub` spelled backwards is still `bathtub`. It`s not, but for a second there, you believed me.

I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.

I put my head between my legs and lean forward.....thats how I roll

Cop: Been drinking tonight, ma`am? Me: No, I`m just dizzy b/c I`m having a heavy flow day. It`s really clotty and... Cop: You`re free to go.

I`m at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I`m usually fine with going home.

I wan`t you to know that someone cares. not me, but someone.

…and for my next trick, I will pull this dryer sheet out of my sleeve!

When you think about how big the Earth is, then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it`s easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.

How long does it take to get obsessed?