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I`m a really nice guy before you get to know me.
Stovetop Directions: 1.) Use microwave.
Are you watching too much T.V but not doing enough reading? Turn your subtitles on.
Looks like Waldo got on the malasian plane.. well played waldo.. well played..
Didn`t ya`ll know awkward moments existed before? Damn, its like the Yolocaust all over again...
When someone says “you’re the best,” just know that it’s not really true because I’m the best.
i love you with all my butt. i would say heart but my butt is bigger :)
Paint thinner? I call bullsh!t. I been painting myself with it all week and I`m still fat.
I`m a responsible person. People are always saying "I know you`re responsible for this."
the ulitmate moment is when your identical twin says your ugly
Let me be honest, I dont even walk a mile in my own shoes.
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
My rabbit died yesterday… Now he’s just some bunny that I used to know…
Wow comma I just realized if I tap the microphone on my keyboard I don`t have to type out my statuses anymore exclamation point
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted