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Flat screens are nice and all, but they`ll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.
If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
Don`t sweat the small stuff. Don`t sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty a$$ elsewhere.
Today is International Women’s Day. It was actually supposed to be held 2 days ago but they took too long to get ready.
Only in America: We have a holiday devoted to gratitude & then less than 12 hrs later beat the sh!t out of each other for a $10 crockpot.
My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.
I dreamt I was you..I hated myself. Luckily I woke up..woah that was close.
I put a bumper sticker that says "Honk if You Think I`m Sexy" on my car. Then I wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.
I have never preheated an oven but I have pre-eaten a frozen pizza.
Elderly people used to always nudge me at weddings and say "You`re next."What got them to stop is when............I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Nothing says "under the thumb" like a joint Facebook account
When I have a yard sale I play the theme song to Sanford & Son with a boombox on my porch.
Isn’t it funny how people that talk too much also have annoying voices?
Multitasking (verb) - Screwing up several things at once.
Facebook is great, but I still miss the good old days of writing down my random thoughts and sliding them into stranger`s pockets.