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The first rule of selfie club should be to clean your room.
Is the CEO of Kraft also known as The Big Cheese?
Just because they sell yoga pants in XXL doesn`t mean it`s ok to wear them in public.
Went to the virgin islands, now they are just the islands.
I just read that Lindsay Lohan is headed for rehab. It`s like 2008 all over again. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or 2011. Or 2012
The awkward moment when you set something down for a second and it disappears off the face of the earth.
Show me a bunch of people with type A personalities, and I`ll show you a control group.
Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of reasons why I drink in the first place?
I`d be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
It`s frustrating to know, I`ll never experience the exhilaration of getting to meet me.
I`m a nonviolent person until I see a spider. Then I turn into Al Capone and "I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND!
For just once in my life I want my phone to ring and for someone on the other end to ask if I`m on a `secure line`
I finished your laundry, the ashes are in the fireplace.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.