Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
I don`t know how many girls it takes to change a light bulb, but I guarantee we`d post pictures of us doing it on Facebook.
I feel like there should be more breakfast beers on the market.
If video games have taught me anything, it`s that you`ll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss.
I do what I want, when I want, where I want. If my wife says it`s okay.
I need a thingy to fix the thingy because the thingy came loose and the thingy is wiggly now. Do you sell those? -Me, at Home Depot
If practice makes perfect, one day I will make the perfect mistake.
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won`t make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence... Your answer should always be, Please don`t hit me again officer...
Do me a favor if someone tells you they don`t like me , tell them I don`t like them either.
I may be wrong, but I doubt it.
I`ve been married twice. The next wife I have will be someone else`s and she can just go home when she`s mad at me.
I knew she was about to say something intelligent because she began with, "You once told me..."
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin
I said my wife`s name three times in front of the bathroom mirror and now my wallet`s empty...