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I am so deep in the friendzone I have been introduced to her boyfriend`s parents.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.
Times change When I was a kid, werewolves and vampires were very scary. Now everyone wants to have sex with them
Don`t forget: it`s very important what strangers on the Internet think about you.
There is no better sunscreen than sitting inside a bar.
One day we the women will rap the men lets see how they like it!
My dad`s TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
Relationship status: I make my own sandwiches.
You make your own luck`.. a saying most popular with lucky f*ckers
Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.
I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck ... My wife still came home ... Superstitions are stupid.
Would you like to save money on your car insurance? Walk ... Just sayin
I`m on that “Starts tomorrow” diet.
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
I usually spend my Mondays texting apologies but I`ve had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.