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I`m pretty sure all dogs can smell drugs. It`s just that most of them aren`t snitches.
A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
Whenever I check my weight, I always subtract 5 pounds. I don`t think that boobs and brains this fabulous should count against me.
Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
I wonder how seaworld would react if I walked in there with a fishing pole....
My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else gets on.
Too bored to do nothing. Too lazy to do anything.
I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.
You know you`re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn’t make the cut.
If you`re feeling powerless just remember a single one of your turds can shut down an entire water park.
"You should`ve come with us!" well, inviting me would`ve helped..
What I lack in vocabulary, I make up for in…you know...stuff...and...things...
Never go on a blind date with a friend! She was so big when i took her home she went to my backyard and started grazing.