Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Almost time for my nightly foursome......... Me, my bed, my pillow and my blanket! What the hell were YOU thinkin` you perv!!!!!!
I`m not sure what post it was that caused me to lose 2 more Facebook friends today, but if I find out which one it was I will make sure to post it again....
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow
I`m not an alcoholic I just have a lot of things to celebrate.
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose vodka.
There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom.
The best thing about being single is all the sleeping around you can do…I can sleep all over my bed!
It`s so cold out I`ve turned 50 Shades Of Blue!
Now that I know how many calories there are in a pint of beer , I have decided to stop eating.
Lately I`ve been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...
No one understands you better than some crazy weirdos on the internet.
Women who tell me I have commitment issues have never seen me with a large pizza.
I dont hate you but, if you put `just about to jump off a cliff` as your facebook statuses i would poke you
I`m using voice-to-text to post this status. All I do is talk and it makes a text out of it. It`s really cool... Hey! What are you doing? That`s my phone! Give it back! Come back here, you son of a...
If people would moan loudly during a pat down, the line would move much quicker.