Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Pretty fed up with the fact that pandemonium almost NEVER involves pandas.
Thought I saw a kangeroo today turned out to be a greyhound taking a dump !
Don`t half a$$ anything. F*ck it up all the way.
Someone asked me why I use the "F" bomb so much. What the F*ck is an "F" bomb?
Another beautiful morning I wish I was sleeping through.
Everything is so much funnier when you`re not allowed to laugh.
God made men. But sandwiches weren`t going to make themselves. So God made women.
I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.
It took me quite some time to be this good a procrastinator
Time travel means never having to say you`re sorry...
There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
I think I’m going to take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower, but with me in it…
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, "I`d so tap that."
For our next trick, we should hack into North Korea`s TV system and put Jersey Shore on repeat...
Shaving your head is the "You can`t fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.