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The speed at which I can prepare food during a commercial break is amazing.
Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
I know this will probably piss off a bunch of people I know, but what makes someone good at fishing?!? Seriously, all you did was wait longer.
Crap, my Internet has been down for 4 days ...Probably because my neighbors moved 4 days ago.
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
Like a stoned man once said, I can`t remember.
When people ask how my childhood was, I say "Pretty good, so far."
A homeless man comes up to me asking for change, I say "Change comes from within." He looked stunned.
Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally.
What if Oxygen makes our voice really deep…. And Helium just brings it back to normal?
Someone asked me today what was the toughest thing about being a parent ... I would have to say it’s the kids.
I may be stupid but im also dumb! :D
That tenth doctor is a selfish idiot, he never recommends anything!
You know, rumor has it that the Mona Lisa may have been the first selfie.