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Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri, "What do women want?" She`s been talking for the last 2 days and doesn`t seem ready to shut up anytime soon.
I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them.
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m a person.
Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body!
A new study says schizophrenia and pot smoking are genetically linked — but don`t worry, another study says you`re just being paranoid.
Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving, but growls when you blow in his face, you may need a breath mint.
Which emoticon indicates the desire to cover someone with fire ants?
Sometimes I can’t remember what parking lot I left my car in at the mall so I get it Malaysia Airlines…I totally get it.
If I`ve learned anything from the Kardashians it`s that I shouldn`t let my complete lack of talent hold me back.
Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.
Don`t wait until you`re on your deathbed to tell people how you really feel because you could be too weak to raise your middle finger.
I`d get lost less frequently if GPS would say "no, your other left."
Those 5 donuts I ate are really going to give me an extra boost during my workout today.
Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all the other prescription drugs.