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Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
I don`t always agree with everything I say. :)
People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
Weird that we don`t see more pants on fire
My internet went down. By which I mean my neighbors changed their password.
The three most terrifying words a woman can utter to a man are "notice anything different?"
Sometimes I think these Kardashians are just doing stuff for the attention.
When I think of all the money I’ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you. I just want the oil change
My last request: At my funeral, someone come up at the end and padlock my coffin shut, just to freak everyone out.
There are people on Facebook who don`t realize the difference between "What`s on your mind" or "I should talk to a therapist about this"
Twerking is the crocs of dancing.
Why does the person who snores always fall asleep first?
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job.