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Texting typos can change your life. "Having a great time wish you were her"
I can totally relate to cranky elderly people. I mean you can only be nice for so long!
Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
Sometimes I feel like I get less attention than a white crayon.
A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
Siblings – the only people who will pick on you and then kick the a$$es of anyone else who does it.
Hush little laptop don`t you cry,mumma gonna find you some more wifi.
Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.
There are so many things in life I still need to lick.
I wasn`t going to get so many groceries, but there was a new girl working today and she took my check.
I hate it when I fill my blowup doll with helium and then she plays hard to get...
There are sick days, paid holidays, and vacation days. What about "Don`t have any gas to make it to work days"
I swear, its like EVERY payday I gotta spend money cause there`s a birthday party to go to, a wedding, a baby shower, a new video game, a new stripper, something. Always something...
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "THERES ONE." -same guy, you`re british.
The wife has been missing a week now, police said to prepare for the worst, so I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.