Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? ... I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. Ha!!,,That solves that problem.
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?
Whenever being single gets me down, I like to close my eyes, take a deep breath and then go do whatever I want pretty much nonstop.
Congratulations India on successfully orbiting a probe around Mars. I assume you`ll be opening call centers on the red planet and using fake Martian names now?
Is the "D" in Donkey Kong a typo? It should have been Monkey Kong right? These are the things that keep me up at night.
I always say, your laundry is never completely done, unless you do it in the nude. Which probably explains the strange looks at the laundrymat this afternoon.
Can you imagine if Facebook and Twitter just decided to shut down and you see all these confused people coming out of their house squinting at the sun.
Revenge is best served to someone`s toothbrush.
Help I`m covered in chameleons & no one believes me
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.
A Whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke.
I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. Iām feeling pretty awesome!!