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Sometimes, late at night in the market..i switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
Ladys have it easy, if they ever do start to loose an argument they can just start playing with their boobs
I hate to sound racist, but.. all of your baby ultrasounds look the same.
A sofa is a vacation for your a$$...
If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes. Not the best idea a man ever had ;)
I mean really though...Why wash cups when you can just drink out of the jug?
Tonight`s weather forecast: dark. Continued dark overnight with widely scattered of light by morning.
Sometimes it`s fun to make fun of yourself. Almost as fun as it is to make fun of others.
My neighbors wifi isn`t working. Do you think they are aware and are trying to fix it, or should I go let them know?
I get as much action as a white crayon.
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.
Beer never asks me if I think another beer is prettier than it.
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like "tiny doll feet scampering into the closet" because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that.
That time Homer`s arms were stuck in a vending machine until he realized he could just let go is basically what all of life is like