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India launched a rocket to Mars yesterday… That’s a heck of a place to put a call center.
It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
In sign language, arthritis is a speech impediment.
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot” ...you`re wasting everybody’s time.
Guess what`s brown and sticky... a stick.
Saw a flying saucer today. It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me.
What idiot called it Adderall instead of Accomplish Mints?
Drunk people are the only honest ones left.
Why do people say “nice to meet you” before I’ve even said anything? How do you know it’s nice to meet me? I’m a jerk.
watching porn is like finding happiness in other enjoyment.....
Any fool can use a computer ... Many do
Why aren’t mustaches called mouth brows?
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
Never laugh at your wife`s choices. You are one of them :)
It`s spooky how many kids look like their owners.