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Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
Everytime I see “ROFL”… I think of Scooby Doo trying to say “waffle”.
They should start selling Photoshop CD`s at cosmetic shops.
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
I think it`s really strange how some people talk to their animals, give them personalities and make up voices for them. My dog, Benjamin, agrees with me.
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
Everything I need to know in life I learned in kindergarten... if you poop your pants they let you go home.
Think about how much more stressful life`s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
Ladies and Gentleman, I`ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There`s never enough beer.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
I like going into McDonald`s and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken, just to see which one comes first.
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
A guide to hating people. Step 1: get to know them.
my girlfriend asked me to go to the store and pick her up 50 shades of grey, she was pretty mad when i brought home 50 tubes of lipstick.
I don`t need a New Years Resolution, I`m already awesome!