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My 83 year old neighbor got pulled over for speeding. She told the cop she had to hurry before she forgot where she was going.
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
Have you ever wondered if God looks down at you in a humorous moment, chuckles to himself, and says "yeah I made that!"
My door bell is a recording of a shotgun being racked.
Not to brag, but Netflix recommends certain movies just for me.
I quit my job with the Dept of Corrections. That place was like a prison...
I need a "previously on your life" recap for the things I didn`t pay attention to.
I`m just saying a sarcasm font could go a loooong way!
"When I grow up, I want to marry a man addicted to video games" ~ No woman ever.
Hi there beautiful, can I drive you to drink?
Who actually clicks on the "No I am not over 18" links on "adult" pages?
You can either be right, or you can be the husband.
I`ve stopped drinking for good. I only drink for evil now.
I`m not sarcastic…I`m just intellegent beyond your understanding.
I organized a threesome last night....there were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time