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Smooth move.........ExLax
Everyone has that one friend that can turn any conversation into something dirty....I am usually that friend.
If people don`t occasionally walk away from you shaking their heads, you`re doing something wrong.
Do you know how many poisonous apples I`d have to give out before I was considered to be the fairest in the land?
Nobody’s phone is ever off. They’re lying.
Sometimes I wish that I could put my wife on airplane mode.
The IRS suggests filing early to reduce the chance that someone will steal your identity and file before you. Honestly, if somebody wants my identity so badly they`ll file my tax return for me, go crazy. You can mow my lawn while you`re at it, too.
The Easter Bunny doesn`t always drink, but when he does I bet it`s hopscotch.
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What`s on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started...
The people naming dinosaurs should teach the people naming hurricanes how to name stuff.
You can´t trust dogs to watch your food.
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.
My life coach just informed me that I didnt make the team
I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn`t be allowed to leave Wal Mart.