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A world without women would be a pain in the a$$.
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying don`t run into anyone you know
Ended a relationship today. Don`t worry, it wasn`t mine.
Thank goodness I`m loud and obnoxious all the time, so my family can`t blame it on the alcohol.
Checking the time on your phone twice because you were`nt paying attention the first time
The future is much like the present, only longer.
People who say 45 minutes past the hour must be the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 month olds
When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
Bars are Weird Its the only Business that kicks you out for buying TOO much of their Product
How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
If you go to dinner alone always ask for a table for two. Look sad as you eat and you will almost always get a free dessert
I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people.
I bought a book on eBay called, "How to scam on eBay". That was 2 months ago, and it`s not arrived yet
Fun Prank: Put $1000 in an envelope and mail it to me.