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Have you hugged you bartender today.
I just want someone who will love me for the a$$hole that I am ;)
You know something bad is about to happen when someone says "Hold my beer and watch this."
Lazy Fact #69302246777573 - You were too lazy to read that number.
the real full form of M.B.A....Married But Available
I overheard this guy bragging about his fancy hotel sweet. Ptttsht. They are nothing but cheap a$$ mints!
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss` vacation`s more than he does.
If the Internet was never invented... what would we all be doing now?
If you can´t read this, you´re illiterate.
Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.
Think about how much more stressful life`s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
Being a little bit crazy is like being a little bit pregnant - you can only hide it for so long.
Is professional lollygagger an actual job yet?
You know you had an awesome night when you need sunglasses to get food out the fridge.
Sorry I hung up on you, I didn`t mean to answer the call.