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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
that moment when autocorrect decides to ruin you and makes a text incredibly awkward.
Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
My friend says to me, "What rhymes with orange?" I said, "No it doesn`t."
A lie is a great story that someone ruined with the truth.
I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I`m not a good liar.
I don`t understand why people want a relationship when there`s pizza.
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
If you see a porcupine in your yard, that`s my cat and we`re not done with our accupuncture session.
Is it yoga if you wear sweatpants all day and then hunch over the garbage can as you eat a burrito?
Shouting "Not it!" should still make us exempt from doing anything that we don`t feel like doing.
Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That’s why most women wear makeup and most men lie.
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!