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Why do TV shows say "May contain nudity"? It either does or doesn`t. Don`t make me watch the entire thing and find out the hard way it doesn`t....
I`m going to get one of those "My Family" stick figure decals for the back of my car. It`s going to be me, a bottle of whiskey, and a pizza.
Where did Noah keep his bees? ... In the ark hives ... Yes, I`m showing myself out, thanks
Sure, I was walking home from the bar drunk, but I wasn`t even stumbling. My guess is, the cops just had it in for naked people.
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting that you do.
Asking a guy, "Are you done with that?" & pointing to his girlfriend, is frowned upon. Apparently.
Apparently everyone was too high in the 70`s when Grease came out to notice that every "student" at Rydell High looked like they were 35
ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
You`re not the sharpest knife in my back.
It`s a bird.. it`s a plane..no wait..it`s a blade of grass....
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry
Join us in calling for a total ban of people. They are extremely dangerous. If you know any people, report them at once to the authorities.
Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.