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WebMD needs to add the question "Have you eaten Taco Bell today?" when asking about stomach-related symptoms.
I was about to read the story below. But it was too long.
Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless legs. If you want impress us, please shave a gorilla.
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.
Im going to a parking lot and put sticky notes on people`s cars saying "sorry for the damage." Then watching the magic.
This is the earliest I have ever been late.
Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep, 9 if you`re ugly.
Scientists say the Universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons... They forgot to add Morons.
If I had a cooking show, it would be called “Do You Smell Something Burning?”
Head & Shoulders needs to come out with a body spray that will help repel flakey people from my life.
If you`re having second thoughts, you`re 2 ahead of most people.
Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only. Come on let`s get this thing done.
I love the gym this time of year. The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
Women my age expect a man to have his sh!t together by now. Time to start dating younger women.