Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have decided to stop doing things "Like a Boss" and will now do things "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy."
There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
If I was Neil Armstrong landing on the moon, "That`s one small step for man," would have been, "Screw you every girl who ever shot me down!"
My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
I would run a marathon. If the only 2 bars were 26.2 miles apart and the first one was closed.
I thought I was losing weight, but it turned out my sweatpants had come untied.
Fingerprints are proof that God doesn`t trust us
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
I always say, your laundry is never completely done, unless you do it in the nude. Which probably explains the strange looks at the laundrymat this afternoon.
I tried yoga and I think my downward dog looked more like winnie the pooh getting stuck in rabbit`s door.
Every so often you come across a person who always smiles no matter what, that person is the reason why random bitch slaps should be a thing
In life you will meet all sorts of people, happy, moody, shy, loud, weird, and then there`s me So deal with it mmuhaaaaaaaahaaahaaaa that`s right !
Iām over the 30-day ab challenge ... Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?