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"Oh Sh!t, Was That Today?" my autobiography
My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it`s there to stab potential taco thieves.
So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?
People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
Bipolar smile :(: ...... Gets um everytime !
That amazing moment when you smack the remote and it actually works!
My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I`m great at pole dancing.
My neighbors listen to some amazing music… whether they like it or not. ;)
My business card is just a picture of me looking inside the fridge.
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
Breast awareness month: we stare because we care
I met a guy exactly like my father so I brought him home and my mom shot him.
Remember when you were a kid and all you would use the computer for was paint and space pinball?
Me: "Sorry I`m late. Car trouble." Him: "What kind of car trouble?" Me: "It doesn`t go 200 miles an hour to compensate for my late start."