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When I say "It`s a long story," it doesn`t mean it`s actually a long story. It means I just don`t want to tell you.
We live in a society that’s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
My New Year`s resolution is to spend more time wishing my enemies were dead.
If you don`t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
They say the camera adds 10lbs. Stop eating cameras!
People that use statistics in everyday arguments are a$$holes 100% of the time.
I can`t wait to meet that special someone who will eventually ignore me.
The circus may no longer come to town but at least we’re guaranteed to always see a few clowns in Washington.
I don’t want to go to work. There are people there.
Dear World, Stop saying "twerk."
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
The "I got your nose" game is fun to play with kids, but try it on the pharmacist at Target & she`ll call security.
I don`t mean to brag, but my posts are enjoyed by well over 20 people worldwide...
roes are red violets are blue he`s for me not for you if for any chance you`ll take my place i`ll use my fist and smash your face